Thursday, February 24, 2011

Lights, camera, ACTION!

So after all the delay and highest levels of fund guzzling,coupled with the usual blame game and mud-slinging(blame it on the Holi season,perhaps) the 34th National Games finally started in Jharkhand. Amidst all the hullabaloo, guys at my college were also in an upbeat mood. I mean, where I am, chicks are a rare commodity. And the games were supposed to bring loads of hot, athletic chicks into this otherwise barren land(it being duly noted that ISM is the venue for squash and netball).You might be surprised, but we engineers think about women more than we are accused of thinking about machines!(All those lame engineer joke makers, watch out...we can be perverts too!)

Almost 10 days into the games, the 'fever' has died down. Jharkhand has let the nation down, and ISM has let Jharkhand down! The squash court is nothing but a fancy rat hole. The 2 dozen lucky spectators have to sit so close, it probably sends wrong signals across the nation. The netball ground looked like it was made to be a gauntlet, with peaks and valleys all across. Like in all other instances in India, last minute preparations have made it possible for the administration to save it's face.

Surprisingly, the mess for the athletes and officials stands out as an epitome of excellence. Which again goes on to show that we Indians have bellies larger than brains and appetite take precedence over aptitude. Really if you see the mess, it looks like a million hungry people from Africa can be fed there and still there will be a lot of food left for them to pack their lunches and return home.

So, as I was saying the games have been a downer. But, how coukd Jharkhand government (there is a government in Jharkhand??) let this happen. And so, the Jharkhand netball team (which allegedly consists of the subs of Jharkhand's basketball team) decides that enough is enough and it is time to show the nation the power of 'Jharkhand's youth'! After all, the taxpayer's money should not go waste. They must be entertained, right? So what do we do? Simple, we take matters into our own hands. Literally. So what if we can't beat the other team (guys from A.P)? We can always beat them up!

And if you are thinking where the hell did they get this genius idea from, look no far. Only a couple of days ago, a bunch of third and final year students of ISM beat up 4 second year students with iron rods, belts and spades (all those theories about video games and action movies promoting violence in kids, they aren't theories anymore!).

As the world watched, national players and students of a reputed national college of India threw punches and kicked their peers in the balls in what was a show of 'Diversity in Unity'! Bravo Indians, you guys never let action take a back seat!

Monday, February 14, 2011

Aisa 'bhee' hota hai

My 5th semester GPA card deserved some respect because it was my highest score-an average performance in an otherwise underachieving stint of 2.5 years.
So delighted as I was, I went to the stationary shop in main canteen to get it laminated. Now, it might sound weird, but in my college, guys get their GPA cards laminated! Every semester! Why???? So that it doesn't get a crease? Or are you still afraid that you will feed it with aloo-gobhi and chai like you did back in Kindergarten?
Anyway, I thought I'll join the crowd,just for this time.The shop owner told me to collect the 'laminated' grade card the day after.
The following conversation took place the next day:-
Shop owner-Naam boliye(What's your name?)
Me- Varun Tyagi.
The owner then proceeded to search my name through a stack of laminated cards,which were arranged alphabetically.
It took me a minute to realize that he was actually searching for my name in 'B'.
Now, in this part of the country, B is B. And V is B too. So the guy was nowhere wrong to believe I was 'Barun Tyagi, not 'Varun Tyagi.
Me- Bhaiyya mera naam 'Varun' hai.( My name is 'Varun'.)
Shop owner- Haan, 'Barun' naa? Wahi toh dekh rahe hain hum.(Ya, 'varun',right?That's what I'm looking for).
Me- Bhaiyya 'Barun' nahi 'Varun','VARUN'!Aap 'B' mein dekh rahe hain.'V' mein dekhiye.(
Shop owner- Oh, toh aisa boliye na ki 'Bhee' mein dekhna hai. Kya aap bhi tabse time waste karwa rahe hain!!!
Me-(WTF)....
Me-Haan bhaiyya, woh bachpan se thoda speech problem hai mujhe.Sorry!
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A Lenobho showroom,City Centre Mall, Dhanbad!
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Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Love,Sex aur Dhokha

Basant 2011


I already have had my share of fun in the day watching the 60 somethings slug it out in the 'Alumni Sports'.My sincerest apologies, but it was funny! I know when I'll be on the wrong side of 60, I too will find it difficult to make the bat meet the ball, and a 20 something lad would be making fun of me, but that's a long time from now,so I can be a jerk for the time being!
Then there was the kite-flying session. It actually turned out to be a miniature kite flying session, with the kites brought from Liliput for the cheapest rates,probably 100 pieces for a buck.Bummer! And the 'manjha' was actually synthetic 'saddi' in fancy bright yellows and greens! Like it has got to do anything with the actual kite-flying?!!
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I am roaming around with a camera in the lower ground. It has been 2 hours now and I have clicked the event in all its details. Now, I am looking for those candid shots! And my mood is equally matched by the rose giving session. It has been going on for a while, but has picked up pace lately, as the sun is setting. Maybe because the guys might find it easier to save their faces in the dark! :P
See, it goes this way. First year girls sell roses to anyone whose willing(or not) to buy them.That's making money. The guy who purchases it(or is forced to purchase it) then gives that rose to a girl.That's wasting money. The girl is in most cases a first year, and so the rose safely returns to the sales window from where it is again set as bait to catch another fool.That's making money and making fools!
So I see these 2 girls approach a guy. Both of them are carrying red roses,lots of them.After a lot of debate and no-no, the guy (very unwillingly) purchases a red rose for 200 bucks! And if that's not foolish enough the guy asks the seller girl to accept it. The seller girl refuses,which amazes me. Given that if she had accepted, she was practically getting 200 bucks for doing nothing!(Which again proves that most girls are stupid, and they can only appear clever in the company of a stupider guy!)
The guy is left pondering what to do with that rose bud, while the seller girl ruthlessly says out to her partner-in-crime, as both of them cross walk across me:
"Mujhe kya karna hai? Wos kisi ko bhi de rose...mujhe toh sirf paise se matlab hai!"
(No) Love, (No) Sex, (Only) Dhokha!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Don't be a dick!

Just finished watching 'The Fighter'. Needless to say, a well deserved Oscar nomination for Christian Bale. Overall,the movie was nice;although being yet another 'real-life-boxer-makes-it-big time' story.I've seen better movies in this genre(read Raging Bull, Ali and The Cinderella Man) but still I want to see how 'The Fighter' puts up the fight against 'The King's Speech' and 'The Black Swan', and of course Inception!
Notes from the movie:
1) Don't smoke crack!
2) Don't beat a police officer or you'll lose your hand!
3) Include more cardio in your gym routine to get those abs!
4) Don't be named 'Dick'; worse, don't be nicknamed 'Dicky'!(It sucks!!!)

Friday, February 4, 2011

'coz we love our teas and biscuits!

Prof. Michael W. Hitch (from University of British Columbia) is talking about mineral carbon sequestration. It's an interesting concept,one that probably holds the potential to solve the world's 'emission' problems! I am trying to listen to him attentively.But every now and then, my view is obstructed by the peon who is performing the most important duties of all. Distributing teas and biscuits to the 'junta' present. Several hands rise up, not to ask questions from Michael, but to signal to the peon to bring the tray of 50-50 biscuits towards them! And then the nightmarish 'classical tea-sipping' sounds!! SURRRRRRRRRRR......A guy behind me is furiously munching on the biscuits;loud enough to be heard across the border!
And there's the door,which creaks in every 2 minutes,signalling that yet another person has entered the lecture room. IST(Indian Stretchable Time)
Michael seems to be unaffected by these disturbances.I am not. What the hell is tea and biscuits doing at a guest lecture? At 11:30 in the morning?
My thoughts wander to the numerous occasions when the tea-biscuit couple make their presence felt! They are like the VVIP's of any Indian social gathering.Whether we are mourning, celebrating, discussing or simply idling away, WE WANT OUR TEAS AND BISCUITS! 
My thoughts are crash landed upon by a voice."Bhaiyya chai?"- the peon gestures with the politest smile.
"No,thank you bhaiyya.Le jaiye"- I answer and try to focus on Michael again.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Who is the real Indian?


Pride! (Clicked around 9 am,Republic Day,2011)

The teenager(among million others) who celebrated Republic Day(on Facebook)?Or the father who carried his 5 year old kid on his shoulders to India Gate at 4 am, just so he could watch the annual parade?

The marketing executive who thought that 'something related to deshbhakti' could make for a good ad-campaign this season? Or the soldier who didn't think twice before laying his life on the border?

The corporate mogul who donated a medical equipment worth 'few lacs', so he could safely gulp 'few lacs-of crores' in the nation's worst scam? Or the middle-class clerk who didn't mind spending a few extra bucks to get a bill for all his purchases, just so his nation benefited?

The famous politician son-of-a-politician who visited tribal areas, ate the poor's ration and did a one-night stand sorta thing with them? Or the social activist who gave up PhD in Metallurgy to become the voice of the struggle of Bhopal?

The one who put religion over national integrity and fought for a piece of land? Or the who read, watched and heard about it all, and realized it wasn't worth it in the end?

The country can fight terror. But how will it fight the indifference of its citizens?
The country can build weapons. But how will it raise martyrs?

1.2 billion People. And only these 7 kids wave the tricolour with true pride!

Draught!

I look at the white screen.Blank.
I look at the keyboard.Blank.
I look around; perhaps another interesting post lurks nearby.Nothing.
I take a look inside myself.Blank.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

The Ballad of Bomberman- Act 3

Act 3: Convince or Confuse!
November 18,2010
Dept. of Fuel and Mineral Engg.

Well if on Monday I was saved by my room mate, then on Tuesday Fortuna and Tyche themselves helped me out of Mandrake's torture session! I was halfway through the prac-o-mania and things had turned, to say the least, humorously favourable.
Wednesday was a gap day. I did nothing much. I had been doing nothing much for some time then. So, while people were busy studying for the 'Excursion Viva' on Thursday, I was writing a new blog post, chatting on FB, looking up for t-shirts on Myntra's website, pondering over which one's to buy soon.
It wasn't like I didn't want to study. I couldn't. Why? Well, here's the story.
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The 'excursion' on which the Thursday viva was going to be based happened sometime back in February this year,if I remember correctly. And guess what? I didn't go on that excursion! So while the rest of the future mineral engineers were getting to know about the various equipments and stuff at McNally Bharat Engineering, good old Varun lay in his bed, down with a fever which was the direct precursor of the break-up he had the night before!
The HoD was furious at my absence but our CR, Pathak- my sweetheart, controlled the situation. Still the HoD said he wanted a valid certificate from a doctor about my condition (physical, not mental!) or he would not let me sit in the semester exams. I didn't give a damn about the certificate, and the HoD, well he is too old to remember everything that he says!
And at that point I had thought- "Phew!That was a close shave man! Got away easily this time!"
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But the ghosts of the past had come back to haunt me. Imagine being in my situation and sitting in the viva when you never went for the excursion. It's like asking a virgin to write a 500 words essay on his sexual experiences!
I was confident the professors would have forgotten the attendance thingy.The only  worry was I had to sit there and bluff! Good thing for me, my room mate came to my rescue again. He had carried a camera on that day and I got to see what MBE actually looked like. My preparation comprised of knowing the place where we went(read, where I never went), a brief of the company operation told to us by the in-charge there ( read , never told to me), what equipments we saw (read, I never saw). That much was enough,I guessed. And I was way better than many other guys, including our very own Pammy-He had been on the trip and now while preparing he looked up for the company's site at Google by typing "Mechanically Bharat Engineering"!!! No wonder we hear so many Sardar jokes everyday! :P
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It was Kalicharan and Jha again! I was relieved to see no Nikkam the HoD. My group comprised of Bhangi, Adi, Baul and me. Adi too had missed out on the excursion and we were both happy that none of us would go to the gallows alone!
But I guess the professors had been bored to death by continuously asking questions about MBE. And so when we went in, they decided to ask some very basic textbook questions. What more could I have asked for! Well, I could have actually. They asked us some trick questions about the difference between Ball mills and Rod mills. All of us bungled up. But the bungling was so synchronized and carried out with such fluidity that the professors didn't notice it. I mean what we all said was correct, it was just not what they wanted to hear. But as soon as they opened their mouth in pride, ready to shower their clouds of knowledge upon us, we took advantage and started parroting the same things, just a second ahead of them! Once we started, it was easy to make out what they were gonna say next. And the effect of it all was that the profs believed we actually knew everything! Poor old chaps! Got fooled by the Gen Y !
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I took a peek into the marking sheet in Kalicharan's hand and I believe a saw a B against my name. For the non-IIT junta, that means 7 on 10. Not bad at all, considering I never went to the excursion!


PS- The only con in this entire episode was that I was taken back to the time of my break-up! Why can't we just erase some memories from our minds?


Continued...